LJ Idol: Week 1: Jayus

“Sometimes you have to laugh, just so you won’t cry.”

My mother said that a lot. It was one of her mottos, right up there with, “Life is short. Eat dessert first” (which is my favorite. Even though I distinctly remember not actually being allowed to do that during some meals as a child).

But how do you laugh about this?

We were in Vegas. Well, we were in a hotel in Vegas. And we’d gone to Planet Hollywood for dinner the night before. As you do when you’re a bunch of girls in town for the weekend to celebrate someone’s 21st birthday. My sister’s 21st birthday.

And we had the whole weekend. More than the whole weekend. We weren’t leaving until Monday. So there was more than enough time to fit in all the drinking and the gambling and the walking up and down The Strip and perhaps even a rollercoaster ride or two at New York, New York.

So much time that it just made sense to spend Friday night hanging out in the hotel room and telling jokes and playing Truth or Dare. Because it was late and we’d all flown in after work and after school and why not take one night to rest before we really began the perfect vacation?

A vacation we had been planning for years.

Literally for years.

Because we first talked about this trip when my sister was sixteen, how we should all go to Vegas when she turned 21, because she was the youngest and that way we would all be able to drink and gamble.

Back then, when my sister was sixteen, we talked about a lot. We planned trips and parties and even weekends spent at the mall. Most of them didn’t happen. But this one did. We made plans and booked hotel rooms and purchased airline tickets. And suddenly we were in Vegas, on a Saturday morning, with endless possibilities ahead of us.

Until the phone rang. And suddenly my sister and I weren’t in Vegas anymore. We were on a long dusty highway going as fast as we dared. And then we were in a hospital room in L.A. saying goodbye to our mother.

And now we’re dressed in black and thanking people for coming and forcing ourselves to eat some of the multitude of food that is covering not only the kitchen table but also the dining room table and the kitchen counters.

Our friends are here. The ones we left behind in Vegas, who did have a good time and did go to the bars and the dance clubs that we had planned to go to. Who gambled and went on a rollercoaster and ate at buffets. And then went home on that Monday like it was a normal day and the universe hadn’t just laughed in the face of all their plans.

But no one is having fun now. Not them. Not us. Everyone looks sad. Everyone wants to cry.

But this isn’t how we want to say goodbye.

Because my mom was amazing. And funny. And liked to laugh.

So it starts slow. A smile here, a smile there. Then someone tells a story. And someone else tells a joke.

And the smiles get bigger, and the tears disappear. Not forever, but for this moment.

“Sometimes you have to laugh, just so you won’t cry.”

So we do. We laugh. Not because it’s funny, but because sometimes you just have to. And because my mom deserves that.





Written for LJ Idol Week 1. A little sadder than I intended. Sorry about that.