Fic: Hold My Hand (Addison/Derek)
Mar. 23rd, 2012 01:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
flipflop_divaTitle: Hold My Hand
Pairing: Derek/Addison
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1,722
Summary: The birth of Amelia’s baby comes with a little more than Addison bargained for.
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use.
Author’s Note: Written for the challenge, The Big One, at![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
ohanythinggoes, using this as inspiration:
The night Amelia told her she was pregnant, Addison cried herself to sleep. It wasn’t that she wasn’t happy for her former sister-in-law, because she was, more than anything, but she couldn’t deny that somewhere deep inside she was a little jealous. And she hated feeling that way.
But by morning, her happiness for Amelia had won out over everything. It might not have been Addison’s own baby, but Amelia was here, living with her, and she knew the baby would be here too when the time came.
So she put everything she had into helping Amelia, from helping her pick colors for the nursery to stocking up on more diapers and onesies than any baby could ever possibly need.
She even went with Amelia to pre-natal classes (although she scoffed and corrected the instructor after almost everything she said, until Amelia elbowed her in the side and told her to knock it off), and spent nights imagining what it would be like when the baby was born.
But Addison had forgotten something.
The birth of a Shepherd baby is never a quiet affair, and Addison should never have expected the birth of Amelia’s baby to be any different.
The doorbell rang for the first time almost two weeks before Amelia’s due date. Addison answered the door to find Nancy on her doorstep, her kids in tow.
But it didn’t stop there. Sister after sister showed up, followed by Carolyn, and finally by Derek.
Amelia pretended like she was annoyed by all of it. She rolled her eyes when her sisters criticized her choice of nursery decorations and argued about how she could make it better. She ignored her mother when she gave her advice about how to care for a newborn. She begged Charlotte, Cooper and Sheldon to entertain everyone and complained that she just wanted some damn alone time.
But Addison knew that Amelia secretly loved and cherished every single minute of it.
It might not have been the baby the Shepherd clan had wanted for Amelia — after all, it’s not really every mother’s dream to have her drug-addicted daughter get knocked up by her dead boyfriend — but the baby was coming, and they were embracing it. Enthusiastically.
Still, that didn’t change the fact that it was killing Addison to be in the same house as all of them. Nancy might have still loved her, and Derek tried to talk to her, but she just couldn’t. She could feel Carolyn glaring at her, even when she wasn’t anywhere near her. And more than ever, she felt like she didn’t belong.
“Addison,” Jake said one night after he caught her at the practice at eleven o’clock at night. “Shouldn’t you be going home?”
She’d smiled at him. “I have some paperwork to catch up on.”
“Addison-“
“I’m fine. I just … I’m fine.”
And she had retreated behind her pile of files once more.
•••••
Amelia went into labor three days before her due date. By the time Addison arrived at the hospital, Amelia’s room was swarming with Shepherds.
“Okay,” Charlotte declared a few hours after that. “This is a hospital, not a movie theater. You don’t all get to be in here!”
And she started ushering family members to the waiting room as quickly as she could.
“Derek,” Amelia grabbed her brother’s arm before he could follow his sisters out the door. “Where’s Addison? She’s supposed to be here with me.”
Derek paused, looking around the slowly emptying room. His brow furrowed, trying to remember the last time he’d seen the elusive redhead.
“I don’t know,” he told his sister.
“Amelia,” Carolyn spoke, her voice cool, the way it always was when someone dared to mention Addison in her presence. “Nancy and I are perfectly capable of holding your hand while this baby is born.”
“I know, Mom,” Amelia said, but she turned back to Derek with pleading eyes and whispered, “Please. Can you find her?”
He opened his mouth to reply, but she was still talking.
“Just make sure she’s okay,” she whispered.
He nodded at that. “Okay.”
Amelia didn’t ask for much, and he figured it was the least he could do at that moment in time, but more than that, he had a sneaking suspicion that Addison was less okay than she was pretending to be.
Which would figure. Faking being okay was Addison’s specialty, after all.
But finding Addison was a lot harder than Derek imagined. This wasn’t New York — heck, it wasn’t even Seattle. He didn’t know where she went to hide or what on-call rooms were her favorite.
He checked the NICU and the rows of babies in the nursery, but she wasn’t anywhere to be found. He tried searching on-call rooms and supply closets, and even asked a few nurses to check the bathrooms for him, but no Addison.
He knew she had to be there somewhere. She wouldn’t have left the premises until the baby was born and she knew both Amelia and the baby were healthy and happy.
He was about to take a break from his search to go grab a coffee and check on his sister when a hand tapped him on the shoulder. He turned to find Charlotte King giving him a once-over.
“Is it Amy?” he started to ask, but Charlotte merely pointed him toward the elevators.
“Fourth floor, take a left,” she said. And then she walked away.
Derek frowned, but he followed her directions.
Stepping off the elevator on to the fourth floor, he noticed it was quiet. And rather empty. He turned to the left, walking down a hall past empty rooms. It looked like there was some renovation going on. Ladders lined the halls, equipment covered with tarps.
Charlotte’s directions had been right, though.
He found Addison at the end of the hall. She was lying on an abandoned gurney. Moving closer, he realized she was asleep, her hands tucked under her head.
He was about to reach out to nudge her shoulder when he saw something that made him pause, his fingers just centimeters from her skin.
Her face was streaked with tear tracks, and even in sleep, he could see tears nestled in her lashes.
He felt his heart ache softly at the sight.
Amelia had told him in whispers one night, after everyone else had gone to bed, about Addison’s fruitless quest to get pregnant. He had also seen his mother shooting daggers at her every time they were together in a room.
“Stop it,” he had hissed at his mom the first time it happened.
“I have a right to not like her,” his mom had replied.
“It was seven years ago!” Derek had hissed. “You’ve forgiven Mark!”
“Mark wasn’t your wife,” she had shot back, and then had walked away.
Now, Derek drew in a soft breath, then let his fingers graze across Addison’s cheek.
“Addison,” he said softly. “Addie, hey.”
He waited a few seconds, then gently shook her arm.
“Addison,” he said again.
He waited as her eyelids fluttered open.
As soon as she had focused on him, she bolted upright, almost knocking him in the chin with her head.
“Is something wrong? Is it Amelia?” Her voice was panicky.
Derek shook his head, reaching out to steady her — and calm her.
“No, she’s fine. She was just worried about you. She sent me to find you.”
“Ohhhhh.” He could see her visibly relax. “Okay.”
Then she smiled. “I’m fine. Just tired. You didn’t have to wake me up.”
Her voice held a note of accusation, but Derek ignored that.
“You were crying,” he said softly.
Addison’s eyes narrowed. “That is none of your concern.”
“Addison-”
“I’m not your wife.”
“So I’m not allowed to worry about you?”
She raised her hand, pointing her finger at him. “You don’t get to judge me.”
“I’m not judging you, Addison. I’m worried about you.”
“I’m fine.”
“Yeah, I’ve heard that before,” he muttered.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” The accusation in her voice was back.
This time Derek was the one to hold his hands up, palms out, in defense.
“Nothing. Nothing.”
She glared at him, then laid back down on the gurney and closed her eyes.
“You can leave now. You found me,” she said.
Derek stuffed his hands in his pocket and looked at her.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
He pursed his lips.
“I know,” he said softly.
Her eyes flew open. He could see the horror on her face, even as she worked to cover it. He knew she understand what he was talking about.
He shook his head before she could ask. “No one else knows,” he said.
She stared at him, then nodded. It was silent for a few moments before she spoke again.
“I am happy for her, you know.”
“I know you are.”
“I just … I just wish …” she trailed off.
“I know,” he said, then added, “For the record, you’d be a great mom, Addison.”
She shrugged, but he thought he saw fresh tears glistening in her eyes.
“Do you want to go back down?” he asked her. “I’m sure Amelia would like to see you. I think she said something about wanting to hold your hand.”
She gave a half-smile at that. “I’m sure your mom wouldn’t like that.”
“Yeah,” he said wryly. “I’m sorry about that.”
She shrugged again. “It’s not your fault.”
He studied her for a second. “You’re not alone. You know that, don’t you, Addison?”
She shook her head. “Yes, I am.”
“No, you’re not.” To prove his point, he reached out his hand toward her. “Come on. Let’s go back downstairs.” He grinned. “I can hold your hand.”
He watched as she looked at his hand, then back toward his face, then back to his hand again, probably judging whether he was being serious or not. She must have decided he was, because she slowly reached out her own hand toward him.
His fingers curled around hers as she slipped her hand into his grasp. Her hand had always fit well in his.
She slid off the gurney, and he tightened his hold on her hand.
“Don’t worry,” he said. “I’ve got you.”
And they headed back down to the lion’s den.
Pairing: Derek/Addison
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1,722
Summary: The birth of Amelia’s baby comes with a little more than Addison bargained for.
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use.
Author’s Note: Written for the challenge, The Big One, at
ohanythinggoes, using this as inspiration:The night Amelia told her she was pregnant, Addison cried herself to sleep. It wasn’t that she wasn’t happy for her former sister-in-law, because she was, more than anything, but she couldn’t deny that somewhere deep inside she was a little jealous. And she hated feeling that way.
But by morning, her happiness for Amelia had won out over everything. It might not have been Addison’s own baby, but Amelia was here, living with her, and she knew the baby would be here too when the time came.
So she put everything she had into helping Amelia, from helping her pick colors for the nursery to stocking up on more diapers and onesies than any baby could ever possibly need.
She even went with Amelia to pre-natal classes (although she scoffed and corrected the instructor after almost everything she said, until Amelia elbowed her in the side and told her to knock it off), and spent nights imagining what it would be like when the baby was born.
But Addison had forgotten something.
The birth of a Shepherd baby is never a quiet affair, and Addison should never have expected the birth of Amelia’s baby to be any different.
The doorbell rang for the first time almost two weeks before Amelia’s due date. Addison answered the door to find Nancy on her doorstep, her kids in tow.
But it didn’t stop there. Sister after sister showed up, followed by Carolyn, and finally by Derek.
Amelia pretended like she was annoyed by all of it. She rolled her eyes when her sisters criticized her choice of nursery decorations and argued about how she could make it better. She ignored her mother when she gave her advice about how to care for a newborn. She begged Charlotte, Cooper and Sheldon to entertain everyone and complained that she just wanted some damn alone time.
But Addison knew that Amelia secretly loved and cherished every single minute of it.
It might not have been the baby the Shepherd clan had wanted for Amelia — after all, it’s not really every mother’s dream to have her drug-addicted daughter get knocked up by her dead boyfriend — but the baby was coming, and they were embracing it. Enthusiastically.
Still, that didn’t change the fact that it was killing Addison to be in the same house as all of them. Nancy might have still loved her, and Derek tried to talk to her, but she just couldn’t. She could feel Carolyn glaring at her, even when she wasn’t anywhere near her. And more than ever, she felt like she didn’t belong.
“Addison,” Jake said one night after he caught her at the practice at eleven o’clock at night. “Shouldn’t you be going home?”
She’d smiled at him. “I have some paperwork to catch up on.”
“Addison-“
“I’m fine. I just … I’m fine.”
And she had retreated behind her pile of files once more.
•••••
Amelia went into labor three days before her due date. By the time Addison arrived at the hospital, Amelia’s room was swarming with Shepherds.
“Okay,” Charlotte declared a few hours after that. “This is a hospital, not a movie theater. You don’t all get to be in here!”
And she started ushering family members to the waiting room as quickly as she could.
“Derek,” Amelia grabbed her brother’s arm before he could follow his sisters out the door. “Where’s Addison? She’s supposed to be here with me.”
Derek paused, looking around the slowly emptying room. His brow furrowed, trying to remember the last time he’d seen the elusive redhead.
“I don’t know,” he told his sister.
“Amelia,” Carolyn spoke, her voice cool, the way it always was when someone dared to mention Addison in her presence. “Nancy and I are perfectly capable of holding your hand while this baby is born.”
“I know, Mom,” Amelia said, but she turned back to Derek with pleading eyes and whispered, “Please. Can you find her?”
He opened his mouth to reply, but she was still talking.
“Just make sure she’s okay,” she whispered.
He nodded at that. “Okay.”
Amelia didn’t ask for much, and he figured it was the least he could do at that moment in time, but more than that, he had a sneaking suspicion that Addison was less okay than she was pretending to be.
Which would figure. Faking being okay was Addison’s specialty, after all.
But finding Addison was a lot harder than Derek imagined. This wasn’t New York — heck, it wasn’t even Seattle. He didn’t know where she went to hide or what on-call rooms were her favorite.
He checked the NICU and the rows of babies in the nursery, but she wasn’t anywhere to be found. He tried searching on-call rooms and supply closets, and even asked a few nurses to check the bathrooms for him, but no Addison.
He knew she had to be there somewhere. She wouldn’t have left the premises until the baby was born and she knew both Amelia and the baby were healthy and happy.
He was about to take a break from his search to go grab a coffee and check on his sister when a hand tapped him on the shoulder. He turned to find Charlotte King giving him a once-over.
“Is it Amy?” he started to ask, but Charlotte merely pointed him toward the elevators.
“Fourth floor, take a left,” she said. And then she walked away.
Derek frowned, but he followed her directions.
Stepping off the elevator on to the fourth floor, he noticed it was quiet. And rather empty. He turned to the left, walking down a hall past empty rooms. It looked like there was some renovation going on. Ladders lined the halls, equipment covered with tarps.
Charlotte’s directions had been right, though.
He found Addison at the end of the hall. She was lying on an abandoned gurney. Moving closer, he realized she was asleep, her hands tucked under her head.
He was about to reach out to nudge her shoulder when he saw something that made him pause, his fingers just centimeters from her skin.
Her face was streaked with tear tracks, and even in sleep, he could see tears nestled in her lashes.
He felt his heart ache softly at the sight.
Amelia had told him in whispers one night, after everyone else had gone to bed, about Addison’s fruitless quest to get pregnant. He had also seen his mother shooting daggers at her every time they were together in a room.
“Stop it,” he had hissed at his mom the first time it happened.
“I have a right to not like her,” his mom had replied.
“It was seven years ago!” Derek had hissed. “You’ve forgiven Mark!”
“Mark wasn’t your wife,” she had shot back, and then had walked away.
Now, Derek drew in a soft breath, then let his fingers graze across Addison’s cheek.
“Addison,” he said softly. “Addie, hey.”
He waited a few seconds, then gently shook her arm.
“Addison,” he said again.
He waited as her eyelids fluttered open.
As soon as she had focused on him, she bolted upright, almost knocking him in the chin with her head.
“Is something wrong? Is it Amelia?” Her voice was panicky.
Derek shook his head, reaching out to steady her — and calm her.
“No, she’s fine. She was just worried about you. She sent me to find you.”
“Ohhhhh.” He could see her visibly relax. “Okay.”
Then she smiled. “I’m fine. Just tired. You didn’t have to wake me up.”
Her voice held a note of accusation, but Derek ignored that.
“You were crying,” he said softly.
Addison’s eyes narrowed. “That is none of your concern.”
“Addison-”
“I’m not your wife.”
“So I’m not allowed to worry about you?”
She raised her hand, pointing her finger at him. “You don’t get to judge me.”
“I’m not judging you, Addison. I’m worried about you.”
“I’m fine.”
“Yeah, I’ve heard that before,” he muttered.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” The accusation in her voice was back.
This time Derek was the one to hold his hands up, palms out, in defense.
“Nothing. Nothing.”
She glared at him, then laid back down on the gurney and closed her eyes.
“You can leave now. You found me,” she said.
Derek stuffed his hands in his pocket and looked at her.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
He pursed his lips.
“I know,” he said softly.
Her eyes flew open. He could see the horror on her face, even as she worked to cover it. He knew she understand what he was talking about.
He shook his head before she could ask. “No one else knows,” he said.
She stared at him, then nodded. It was silent for a few moments before she spoke again.
“I am happy for her, you know.”
“I know you are.”
“I just … I just wish …” she trailed off.
“I know,” he said, then added, “For the record, you’d be a great mom, Addison.”
She shrugged, but he thought he saw fresh tears glistening in her eyes.
“Do you want to go back down?” he asked her. “I’m sure Amelia would like to see you. I think she said something about wanting to hold your hand.”
She gave a half-smile at that. “I’m sure your mom wouldn’t like that.”
“Yeah,” he said wryly. “I’m sorry about that.”
She shrugged again. “It’s not your fault.”
He studied her for a second. “You’re not alone. You know that, don’t you, Addison?”
She shook her head. “Yes, I am.”
“No, you’re not.” To prove his point, he reached out his hand toward her. “Come on. Let’s go back downstairs.” He grinned. “I can hold your hand.”
He watched as she looked at his hand, then back toward his face, then back to his hand again, probably judging whether he was being serious or not. She must have decided he was, because she slowly reached out her own hand toward him.
His fingers curled around hers as she slipped her hand into his grasp. Her hand had always fit well in his.
She slid off the gurney, and he tightened his hold on her hand.
“Don’t worry,” he said. “I’ve got you.”
And they headed back down to the lion’s den.
