LJ Idol Three Strikes: Prompt 15 — Lalochezia

[flipflop_diva]

This is a tale of two daughters. Well, and a mother. And a magazine. But mostly two daughters. Twins actually. And princesses. That part is important.

Astrid and Astoria were the twin daughters of King Alston and Queen Adelaide, who ruled over a beautiful and peaceful kingdom we’ll call Alstonville.

Their kingdom wasn’t very big. In fact, as far as kingdoms go, it was quite small, but King Alston and Queen Adelaide were very proud of it nonetheless and were always working to make it better. In fact, one of Queen Adelaide’s primary goals in her life was to win “Best Kingdom in the Region” from Better Castles and Moats magazine, the region’s most popular and most respected publication.

But as luck would have it, Alstonville hovered in the top five kingdoms for years, but it never could reach the pinnacle of being named the best.

First, it was because King Alston and Queen Adelaide didn’t have children. Who would their precious kingdom end up with if there were no children?

Queen Adelaide thought that was ridiculous, because she could name at least twenty people in their small kingdom who would make much better rulers than some of the neighboring kingdoms’ rulers, but rules were apparently rules and the judges would not name a kingdom the best until there were heirs apparent.

And then the twins were born. Two perfect little beauties who were beloved by all who laid eyes on them. Of course, the queen adored being a mother to her precious girls, but if she also secretly thought this was the year she would win best kingdom? Well, she couldn’t be blamed for that.

But because Alstonville and Queen Adelaide seemed to have the worst luck on the planet, it just so happened that on the last day of judging — when the judges made an in-person visit to all the kingdoms, dressed incognito of course, even though everyone always knew who they were — two of Alstonville’s horses, usually the best behaved ones of the bunch, decided it was the perfect day to have a mud fight. So there they were, paws slinging, mud flying — and right into the face of one of the judges.

It probably didn’t help that King Alston chuckled at the sight.

Three weeks later and poor Alstonville was named as the runner-up kingdom, its one ding coming in the manners department.

But Queen Adelaide wasn’t deterred. It was horrible luck, but she and the king had their girls now, so she knew Alstonville’s time was coming. She could even see the magazine cover in her mind, the glossy photoshoot of the castle and of her and Alston and the girls posed in various rooms, draped over the bannisters or hugging the throne, even playing with the dogs and the cats and the pony.

But then something happened that Queen Adelaide could never have foretold. And that something was little Princess Astrid, or as the kingdom’s other inhabitants named her, Princess Potty Mouth.

Because for reasons no one could explain, Princess Astrid developed an early love for naughty words. In fact, while Princess Astoria said “Dada” and “Mama” as her first two words, her sister chose “shit” and “damn” as hers.

The queen and king thought they were hearing things. Surely, their daughter was not saying such vulgar language, because where would she have learned it anyway? Neither the queen nor the king nor any of their staff as far as they knew cursed in any way. Maybe they weren’t really words yet, just gibberish that sounded unseemly?

But as their daughters grew and their speech became better, the queen and king could no longer deny what their sweet child was saying.

“Shit!” she yelled when she dropped her bottle.

“Damn!” she screamed when her sister stole her toy.

“Screw you!” she hollered when her parents told her she had to go to bed and couldn’t stay up even longer to watch her favorite show.

The queen and king didn’t know what to do. It was not becoming for a princess to speak in such a way, but even worse, the knowledge of their little princess’ cursing had spread throughout the kingdom and neighboring kingdoms, and Queen Adelaide saw her chances of ever being named best kingdom dying a quick and brutal death.

And they did. For the next four years, Alstonville dropped out of the top ten kingdoms, leaving Queen Adelaide to cry into her pillow and ask the gods above to tell her whatever she had done to deserve this?

But still her daughter cursed and swore, adding to her already colorful vocabulary on a daily basis, or so it seemed.

King Alston interrogated all the staff, sure someone knew something, and when that yielded no information, he interrogated most of the kingdoms’ inhabitants and a majority of the animals.

Everyone claimed innocence in the matter. Some suggested perhaps Princess Potty Mouth had been cursed by a witch. Queen Adelaide became convinced it was one of the other kingdoms, trying to sabotage her, but no proof was ever found.

A lot of people offered suggestions along with their pleas of ignorance — soap in the mouth (King Alston refused that one), a swear jar (turned out Princess Astrid loved cursing more than money), time outs, taking away of her favorite toys.

People suggested everything, and the queen and king tried much of it, but Princess Astrid continued to curse, and Alstonville continued to plummet in the kingdom rankings, because how could it be a good place to live when the king and queen’s own daughter was full of so much filth?

Finally, on the twins’ fifteenth birthdays, King Alston and Queen Adelaide made a deal with their daughters. They knew the princesses, more than anything, wanted to attend the royal ball that was held every year. They wanted to ride in a carriage and dance with the princes and princesses of the neighboring kingdoms, and Princess Astrid especially wanted to spend the night dancing with Princess Clara, who she’d had a crush on for many, many years.

“One year, no cursing, and you can go to the ball, and even stay out past midnight,” Queen Adelaide told her daughters.

Princess Astoria easily agreed. After all, she had never uttered a bad word in her life. Princess Astrid hesitated, but only for a few seconds.

“I can spend the whole night with Clara?” she clarified.

“As long as Clara wants to, then yes,” Queen Adelaide said.

“Then, yes. I’ll do it.”

Queen Adelaide was overjoyed. So was Princess Astrid at the prospect of finally getting to be with the girl she loved. And Princess Astoria was just happy to be able to attend the ball.

The year flew by, and both princesses were perfect. Beautiful, smart, charming, dignified. They attended all the events with their parents, welcomed the neighboring royals, mingled amongst Alstonville’s other inhabitants and were basically model citizens. Not a single bad word in earshot.

Queen Adelaide was so happy and so confident. This was the year, she could just feel it. Alstonville was finally going to get the recognition it deserved.

The night of the ball finally arrived, and the twins and their parents slipped into their best attire. The princesses were stunning, and everyone was beyond happy.

Princess Astrid spent the entire night with Princess Clara, the two of them dancing arm in arm, so into each other they didn’t even seem to notice the boys from a neighboring kingdom who kept trying to talk to them, and Princess Astoria spent her night dancing with everyone else.

As midnight approached, Queen Adelaide caught sight of a few of the judges from Better Castles and Moats. They, too, were smiling and laughing, and she knew she was finally going to win.

She was on her way over to the dessert buffet (where she could casually overhear anything the judges might be talking about) when she passed the group of boys who had been hovering around Astrid and Clara. They were on their way over to the girls again, but now Queen Adelaide realized something.

The boys weren’t innocently trying to talk to the girls; the boys were actively picking on the girls, hurling demeaning language their way, making fun of them.

Queen Adelaide felt her blood boil. She turned around, ready to toss those boys out of her palace, when she noticed Princess Astoria stalk up to them.

“You fucking assholes!” she screamed at them. “That is enough! You leave my sister alone!”

That was followed by a string of even more colorful words as she pointed to the door, directing the boys away from her sister and from Clara.

By the time she was done, everyone in the ballroom seemed to be staring at her. Some in horror, some in amazement.

Astrid threw her arms around her sister, who looked shocked by her own outburst.

“Are you okay?” Queen Adelaide asked her daughter, as she hurried over to the girls.

Astoria still looked stunned as she looked at her mother and her twin.

“That felt so good!” she declared. “Now I know why Astrid likes it!”

Some people nearby burst out laughing. Others gasped. Queen Adelaide saw the judges out of the corner of her eye, whispering frantically.

For a moment, she thought about her coveted Best Kingdom award.

“Oh, fuck it,” she thought to herself.

She wrapped her two daughters, and Clara, in her arms, so proud she thought her heart might burst.

Who needed that fucking award anyway?




Fiction.



This was written for therealljidol Three Strikes Mini Season. If you liked my entry, please consider voting for me! You should also go read all the other amazing entries. You can find them all here. Voting should be up Friday night!

Comments

[roina_arwen]

Aww! I love this so much! Great job!

[bsgsix]

I haven't been around much (I'm making a sincere effort now that I have more down time - but I'll post about that later...), but this is FANTASTIC. I was laughing and eye-rolling at first, because kids - they do this, and there are Those Mothers who want them to be perfect for whatever their reasons are. But this story hooked me - the deal that was made, the way it was okay for Astrid and Clara to be together without the mother's disapproval, and then, the sister AND mother both ready to fight for them? The ending was perfection. Because fuck it, indeed. Who needs a fucking award when the award was already there in the form of two brilliant, wonderful people who just so happened to be her children? <3

(The father chuckling at the horses while the mother fumed was SO spot-on, too.)

I haven't been reading a lot this season, but this was really a great story, and I can imagine it was fun to write as well. Excellent work for an interesting prompt! <3

[erulissedances]

I totally love that the other sister came to the rescue, and then the rest of the family fell right into line once again. After all, who needs such a pretentious award!?

- Erulisse (one L)

[adoptedwriter]

Keeping it real! Awesome!

[banana_galaxy]

I'm glad Queen Adelaide finally got some sense knocked into her, and eventually accepted that her daughters were more important than that award! That was a nice twist with the end, too.

[drippedonpaper]

Your story reminded me of the fact that overall, I think I am non-violent. I don't think I could kill even if my life were at stake. However, it would be another case entirely if any of my 3 kids were in danger.

Family love goes deep :)

I love how you built this story. The ending was perfect!

[ofearthandstars]

This was a lot of fun to read, gracias!

[mollywheezy]

This is brilliant! :D I am still LOLing at Better Castles and Moats, especially since Better Homes and Gardens is my mom's favorite magazine. Such an awesome moment for Astoria to defend her sister! And I did not expect Queen Mom to defend all three girls and am thrilled that she did. Great job!

[dadi]

ABSOLUTELY PERFECT!

[marlawentmad]

Potty mouth in a royal setting is a delightful juxtaposition.