LJ Idol Survivor: Final Immunity Challenge, Day 5

[flipflop_diva]

Sometimes I wish they would stop
These thoughts rolling ‘round in my head
Agonizing over every interaction
What I did, how I looked, what I said

I can’t stop them from coming
When all I want to do is sleep
It’s late and the ones beside me
Are still, with breath so deep

I think about that phone call
And the emails that I sent
I wonder if there was another way
It all should have, could have went

What makes this even worse
Is nothing even went wrong
It’s just my thoughts rolling over
and over all night long

And then come the other thoughts
The worries and the fears
The dreams of what’s still to come
The happiness and cheers

My thoughts turn to tomorrow
And of all I have to do
The writing that needs to get done
And the work that’s overdue

I wonder if I should get up
Climb out of this comfy bed
Start on the chores for tomorrow
Get my thoughts out of my head

But the phone beside me taunts me
With the hours left in the night
Five more hours, if I can sleep
Maybe that will still be alright

Yet my thoughts keep on spinning
Around and around they go
Twisting, turning and twirling
While sleep just taunts me so

I think about the baby
And how soon he will be here
Great, now I’m worrying about all the things
I’ve yet to do this year

Beside me, David starts to stir
Rolling over and setting back down
I do the same and stretch my legs
Adjust the blankets and roll around

Four hours till the alarm will sound
Four hours till the sun will rise
Four hours till I’ll need to wake
Four hours till the toddler cries

I think about tomorrow’s entry
Maybe I can write it in my head
Stop wasting time like I always do
Be on top of life, for once instead

Somewhere in the beginning stages
Before I really even find the plot
My eyes are closed, my body relaxed
And with it goes my train of thought

I wake a few hours later
Realize my thoughts finally went away
But now they’re back with a vengeance
The way they come each day

Sometimes I wish they would just stop
These thoughts rolling ‘round in my head
Sometimes I just want a day off
A day to just lay in my bed

But the thoughts are always there
That’s just how it always will be
And all I can do is the best I can do
To not let them overwhelm me




Please don't judge too harshly! I've never really written poetry before, except silly haikus and limericks here and there. But I figured since this last immunity challenge is literally just about writing every day, and there's no voting, that I could do a little experimenting. It will probably never happen again, and I know it's not very good, but I tried!




Thank you for reading! This was written for therealljidol: Survivor Idol! We're at the final immunity challenge now, so there's no voting. We just write an entry every day until only one person is left standing.

That said, if you want to read the entries, you can find them all here.

Comments

[gunwithoutmusic]

I loved it! Really, I think it's much harder to follow a rhyming and rhythm scheme like this than it is to do free verse (which is why I always write poetry in free verse, of course).

And I know this feeling all too well - most nights I don't have to worry about it, but every now and then there are those nights where something that happened during the day just won't let go, and I find myself looking at my clock and thinking, 'Okay, if I fall asleep right now, I'll still get a good four hours,' as though I'd be able to fall asleep right now when I haven't been able to all night!

[halfshellvenus]

I agree with Sean-- rhyming schemes are harder, partly because then you also have to pay much more attention to meter! But it's good to experiemnt. Hey, why NOT?

The whole "Four hours" stanza is SOOooo familiar. I don't have a toddler anymore, but that mental math for when the alarm will go off is still a part of my life. I hate insomnia so much, and it's usually a busy brain or a busy body (including my heart-rate going to "awake" speed) that does it to me. They both have to shut up before I can fall asleep!

[murielle]

Yes, this is a recurring theme at night for me too. I can so easily relate to this. I never knew I was an early morning person until about two years ago, but I am. I love waking around four-thirty and getting a headstart on the day. But that's only if I've had some actual hours of sleep. My days of all-nighters are over. Too old now.

Look what you did to me! You've got me opening up about my own sleep issues.

Well done, girl!

[adoptedwriter]

It’s great! The struggle is real. I often think my brain is busier than I am. Lol.

[bleodswean]

Sorry to hear you struggle with brain tumult. You have enough on your plate to not be worrying about writing or things you might have done differently!

[alycewilson]

I know that feeling! When you're so tired and your mind just won't let you rest.

[swirlsofpurple]

Love the cadence of this, would've thought you were an experienced poet!

And very relatable!